Im Ed. thats me 20, Serving the Nation
My WishList IPhone
Camera
Experience Winter in Japan
A keyboard (musical de)
a necklace tat able to represent me
a dog
sunglasses >.<
????
i ask her whether she can talk with me when she got home
i was elated when she say ok but she will be late.
she said she will be done by 10 plus
by 9 40 i ended everything i doing and started my wait.
10 came den 10 15 to 10 40 and finally reaching 11
nothing came. No message no nothing.
Am i forgotten already. Am i really that nobody?
Today in the afternoon she said she will go visit my blog.
It made my day. i was smiling dumbly infront of the computer screen at work.
but disappointed again nothing came. no tag no msg at all that she seen the blog.
Right before work end , i wrote my feelings down to 6 sms and sented her.
It wrote
Message 1: i just read your edited blog.. i just want to say im sorry for all the pain i caused you and please believe that i have grown up.
Message 2: i have learnt to treasure you and also to stand in your shoe.. i wish you would come back to me but i know i have no rights.
message 3: i only hope you can give this a thought and reply me truthfully. i dont need now but i dont wish to wait forever to get an answer.
message 4: For you my only love. Time with you wont be a issue but time without you is unbearable.
Message 5: Sorry for the pain i casued you but hope that you can see the gain i brough u i know my heart has not been truthfull but please believe me
message 6: That this time it will be fruitful.
she replied this. Huh? my edited blog? when? she totally didt bother to talk to me about the other 6 msg. I was heartbroken. I poured my heart into typing those feeling down. hoping that she would feel them and be touch by my sincerity. i really hope she could felt my faith and my believe and trust in me this time. BUT. disappointment HIT ME IN THE FACE.
hidding in my room. i cried. i pretented normal when i talk to her over on the phone. hoping that she could felt my sorrow over the phone but nothing came. and once again she used My Friend.
i feel so distanced from her already.
i feel so much like giving up. my chances seems so little. Me in her seems so tiny. Her hearts seems to split to so many pieces. most for friends and him and so little for me. there i am now counting down to the last few minutes to 11. As i type this post with tears on my cheeks and eyes. i couldnt help to be sad for trust and love for 1 years 8 mnths brought me this far only.
In this 2 week i felt ALL THE LOVE for her in 1 year 8 months have been poured right into me and my heart beat stronger than ever for her.But without her, Life will never be the same.
